Jerry and Carol: Meet through their church

Jerry, 62, and Carol, 59, found each other at a Church on Whidbey Island when each was going through a period of healing, one for the death of a spouse and the other recovering from a difficult divorce.  They arrived at the church at a different times, but they each wanted to re-start their lives and move on to new people and new activities.

Jerry grew up in the Midwest and married his high school sweetheart when they were both 20.  They had a loving relationship for 40 years until she died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm in February 2010.  Jerry had made several visits to a friend on Whidbey Island over the years.  In his state of grief and loss, Jerry decided to move from the Midwest to Whidbey Island in January 2011 to be with his friend and continue to heal.   He believes the move was the beginning of a new life, “The faith community here is awesome!”

Carol was also raised in the Midwest, but moved out to Whidbey Island in 1985 with her husband.  They divorced shortly afterwards, and she remarried in 1987.  Her second marriage lasted for 11 years, but in 1998 she found herself single again.  She says it took her years to recover from the emotional grief of two failed marriages.  Part of her healing was accomplished by going back to college. She got an AA from Skagit Valley College and continued at the University of Washington where she got a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology with a focus on animal behavior in 2010.  (This degree and her profession as a dog trainer came in handy a couple of years later when Jerry needed some help with an energetic Golden Retriever puppy.)

Carol had been the Sunday School Superintendent at the church for several years.  One day in June 2011, Carol noticed a stranger in the building, walking down the hall.   She introduced herself and learned that Jerry was the stranger who was now the new part-time pastor.  They soon developed a friendship and attended church events together.  Carol noted that, “Everyone wanted to have the new pastor over for dinner.”

After a year as friends, Jerry said to Carol, “You haven’t had me over to dinner yet.”  Carol gave him an invitation, and at this dinner followed by some other friend activities, Jerry realized that his feelings of grief were beginning to subside and something about Carol made him begin to think he could be with someone again.  Jerry says, “I found Carol bright, interesting and fun, down-to-earth with a great sense of humor.  I liked the way she worked with the children in the church and how we shared a common love of faith, family and music. “

Then, there was the church hayride at a local ranch in September 2012.  Carol helped Jerry as he played guitar and led people in singing.  Jerry says, “I suddenly felt this desire to put my arm around Carol.”  A few days later, Jerry and Carol were having dinner together and Jerry asked her, “Where is this relationship going?”  That night they kissed for the first time.  They each describe this first kiss as “Awesome and scary.”  With both of them on staff at their church a dating relationship would raise some serious questions.  Jerry noted that while they were both excited he followed up the kiss with a plea to her the very next day, “We have to talk.”

They had a meaningful conversation about their feelings and their fears.  Jerry went to talk with the Senior Pastor of their Lutheran Church first.  He was advised to think some more about his decision to date Carol.  For six weeks they saw each other in secret.  By this time both Carol and Jerry were prepared to do what was necessary to be free to date.  Carol was so confident in the relationship she told Jerry, “I’ll become a Methodist if it’s necessary.”

Together they talked to the Senior Pastor.  Jerry was instructed to follow up their meeting with a visit to the Bishop in Seattle.  Since Jerry wasn’t Carol’s pastor and Carol did not answer to Jerry for work she did on staff, it was decided that there was no problem developing their relationship.  So, they went on their first public date.

When Jerry is asked, “How do you know this person is the one?” he immediately responds, “I continue to find reasons for us to be together.  It’s clear to me that Carol will always be complementary and supportive.”  Carol says, “I really love Jerry.  We’re having such a great time dating.  After two marriages that didn’t work out, I’m taking my time.  We’re not in a rush.”

For the time being, they each have separate homes and families.  Jerry and Carol each have two daughters.  One of Carol’s daughters lives next door to her with a husband and two children.  She loves the time they spend together.  Jerry and Carol admit they are still learning what to expect in their relationship.  And, they are working on the family logistics, like what to do with the major holidays.  They agree, “It’s a learning process.”

Jerry adds, “Our relationship doesn’t have so much of the ego needs like the ones that come when you’re young.  We don’t have the complexities and demands of raising children.”

More than anything, they feel confident that this relationship is a lasting one.  As Carol says, “We’re having so much fun!”