Rich and Carolyn: Our Love Story

By the time I was in my mid 50’s I had been married and divorced twice.  I remember holding my sweet cat, Monet, and asking him, “Will you be the last male in my life?”

I was raised as a secular Jew.  My father knew who all of the Jewish celebrities were, there was little discussion of the Jewish religion when I was growing up.  My first two husbands were not Jewish.  For most of my life, I had very little connection with my Jewish roots, other than an occasional Passover celebration and lighting the candles on a menorah for Chanukah.

When I divorced the second time, my Jewish college roommate and dear friend suggested that I join a synagogue and meet “a nice Jewish man.’  I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I’d always told myself I was a partner person.  So, I took her advice (after doing lots of on-line dating) and joined a nearby synagogue.

The Bet Alef Synagogue in Bellevue was led by Rabbi Ted Falcon,  who is a strong proponent of acknowledging the value of all faiths.  The synagogue created a chant choir, called Tiferet (Hebrew for heart space), that performed with groups from other religious denominations at St. Marks Cathedral and other venues.  There were about 25 of us in the choir, and for about two years I sat across from Rich in our weekly rehearsals.  Finally, I walked up to him one day and introduced myself ("Hi.   You’re the only member of this group that I haven’t met yet.”).  He had recently been divorced from his wife and had just decided he would begin dating other women.

Our first date was an informal get together to attend the birthday party of someone from the synagogue.  After that date, we saw each other several times for the next two weeks, having wonderful conversations and holding hands when we walked somewhere.  Then, we had our first kiss, a kiss goodnight that seemed to last forever.

I went home and wrote in my journal, “This is the man for me.”

Over the next several months, we dated regularly, and experienced several instances of people assuming we’d been married for 30 years.  One of the most memorable times was when we went hiking in the Mount Baker area.  We pulled off the trail to rest for a moment.  There was a handsome older man, probably about 60 years of age, of Asian descent, with a full head of grey hair.  He fit my image of an Asian guru.  He smiled at us and asked, “Are you two married.”  We both smiled a bit shyly and told him we weren’t.  He simply responded, “You will be,” and walked off.

After we had been dating for a year, we went to a 5-day silent retreat in Hawaii (people who know me are shocked that I could handle even one day of silence).  I later found out that my three daughters, who were teenagers at the time, were taking bets on when he’d propose.  After the retreat, we went to the Kona Coast for a couple of talking days, and he did ask me if I wanted to be engaged.  Of course, I said yes, but then later when I asked him when we would marry, he told me, “I thought you just wanted to be engaged!”

Somewhat less than two years after our first date, Rich and I had a traditional Jewish ceremony at the synagogue where we had met, led by the rabbi who had seen how quickly Rich and I had become intense romantic partners (he had noted that when we came to Friday services, I always had my hand on Rich’s thigh).  The director of our chant group performed several of the songs for our wedding ceremony (including our theme song, “Our Love is Here to Stay”), and our Tiferet choir also participated.

That day was over 10 years ago.  People who see us comment that we still seem like newlyweds.  And that is how we feel.  Like other late-in-live loves I have met, we came into each other’s lives with a strong spiritual feeling, like we were soul mates; we are best friends; and we’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff and to work through our differences in a mutually respectful way.

We have agreed that we will be mates forever more, which is good because we wouldn’t want to disappoint the many people who see us as an iconic picture of love.  That’s how I see us as well.